Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thess. 5:16-18

My heart overflows with thanks as I write these words today: my surgery is in the past! It is behind me. It is done. The work of the surgeon is finished. Praise God it was a great success and I am on my way to a speedy recovery.  I'm so grateful to be back home, sleeping in my own bed, and getting better and better with each passing day. All thanks, glory, honor, and praise be unto Him who is our rock and our deliverer! I am a witness to the fact that He is real and active in our lives and that His ways are higher than our ways. Only He could have orchestrated this great restoration in my life. He has delivered me from a grave threat that was growing in my body that I wasn't even aware of. For those of you who have not heard, He has delivered me from cancer.

I am so thankful for all your prayers which comforted me and allayed my fears and wrapped me up like a warm blanket before my surgery. I gave very little thought to negative outcomes and I was certain that God would protect me.  In fact, I had it all planned out what my first blog entry would be after I came out of surgery. I almost wrote it ahead of time I was so confident of the outcome. I thought a simple Webster's Dictionary definition of the word "benign" would be a concise and fitting summary of the results of my surgery. Benign. No worries here. All is well and back to normal.  Instead I was quite surprised to hear afterwards (still groggy from anesthesia) that my left ovary was swollen to the size of a baseball - burgeoning with a granulosa tumor. Fortunately these kinds of tumors, while still malignant, are largely self-contained and aren't known to spread. My surgeon took the extra precaution of removing the adjoining fallopian tube, a lymph node, and a layer of fat that were all touching the cancerous ovary. They are being biopsied for further pathology results.

While all this sounds rather scary, I was assured that this is the "best" kind of cancer to have. It is extremely treatable, they got to it in time, removed all of it, and nothing further (such as chemo) is necessary.  So, I'm choosing to see this diagnosis as a great blessing! In fact, it is a key plot point in the story. It makes me think about the roads we wanted to take but didn't. You see, we didn't easily choose this road towards discovering the health reasons behind my infertility - we did have other options in mind. Last summer Nate and I seriously entertained an adoption prospect and we would have devoted all of our energy down that path if not for some road blocks God put in our way, and for friends who advised us to not give up on pursuing the answers for my health issues. Now the pain of that failed adoption has been put in perspective for me and I'm thankful that we took this path towards surgery. Even if this path doesn't lead to children for us, it is still great to be cancer-free!

All that to say, God is good, and I'll keep you updated with more information as I become aware of it, but for right now the score is, Me: One. Cancer: Zero.

Now, with full knowledge of God's providence in my life, I can concentrate my efforts on healing and recovery and the road ahead. I feel very blessed to be on the mend much sooner than expected. I only had to stay in the hospital for two nights, I spent an additional two nights in Denver with Nate's sister and brother-in-law (who have enough combined medical knowledge to put the most paranoid post-operative patient at ease) and am now back in Laramie. I have had this week off work, and have instead been under the strict rules of a new boss - Nate - who has demanded I squelch the inclination to do housework and to let the most important decisions of the day be limited to selecting which book to read on my kindle, or which movie to slip into the DVD player.

Nate has been really been a wonderful support and a great help to me, but I am still marveling at all the things I have to learn to do by myself again. I feel like a rapidly developing infant! The first few days I needed help to take my first trembling baby steps, then I needed help to bathe and put clothes on. Now I've progressed to braiding my own hair and picking out what I'd like to eat. Soon, I'll be ready for play dates and excursions to the park...

Kidding aside, I'm so thankful that things have gone so well and that everything has worked out for good purposes in the end.  Thanks so much to all of you have checked in on me, cared for me, and visited me in the hospital. I am also very appreciative of all of you who have provided meals for us this week. I think Nate could live on beer and Cheetos but it probably isn't the most healthy diet for him, so again, I thank you.

One last note: I can't wait to be able to enjoy a deep belly laugh again! That is one of the things that I'd really like to do but haven't been able to yet. I'd love to properly rejoice before my Father in Heaven, but the angels may have to take the lead in that department on my behalf for the time being. I hope they are dancing and singing with laughter and praise before the One who has been so good to me!

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.  ~ Isaiah 12:2

Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few. ~1 Samuel 14:6b

I am simply overwhelmed by what God has done in only one month. One month ago I met with my surgeon for the first time and discussed my options. One month ago I realized the kind of healing that would need to take place to make things right. One month ago I started this blog. One month ago I was a different person altogether.

 Since that time I’ve been on such a roller coaster of humility, contrition, grace and blessing that I can hardly call myself the same person. I’ve had times of complete trust, faith, and hope in God, followed by spells of doubt and fear – but mostly the former thanks in large part to your generous prayers and support!

I’ve seen God move in so many ways. He has taught me that my friends and family are more than people that I can chat over a cup of tea with – they are the direct instruments of God’s love and mercy in my life.  While I’ve always known that each one of you is a jewel, I have gotten the chance to see you shine like diamonds through the kindness you have shown me. (I think only those who have been in the pit of despair can know the impact one kind word can have!) I have felt compassion in your touch, love in your speech, and loyal camaraderie in your notes of encouragement. I am so blessed by your three-fold sympathies in word, action, and deed.

After showing me the true value and preciousness of my friends, God has taught me that even my troubles with worldly finances bow to His discretion. What was of critical concern to me a few weeks ago has been soothed and quelled. Both of my parents (law and in-law) have so graciously written the checks that have served as the down-payment for the surgery. Further still, I have been encouraged to see Christian Healthcare Ministries (CHM) in action. We received a check in the mail last week reimbursing us for the abdominal MRI that I did back in January.  I was pleased beyond measure to see that this shared health plan with other Christians can actually work to meet our needs! People who have used it for years (such as my pastor) would probably be surprised at my enthusiasm that the system actually works, but I feel like someone using an ATM in a foreign country for the first time. You know that it should work in theory, but you’re grateful to see the bills safely in your hands all the same!

Amongst all these blessings I must get back to the dips and dives in the aforementioned roller coaster ride. In my emotional valleys I have seen an ugly side to myself. Some of my anxieties have gotten the better of me as the date for surgery draws near – only 3 days away now – both in my work and my home. While I have apologized in advance to Nate and Amy if I am on edge and apparently irritated by things that would not usually bother me, I have not extended this courtesy to my workmates. Usually I pride myself on having a good social intelligence that helps me know what to say and when, but I was surprised last week to find myself putting my foot in my mouth, hurting my co-workers feelings, and generally finding myself in all sorts of misunderstandings. Happily, God took this chance to humble me yet again and I was able to mend the damage by apologizing to my work friends. They were gracious and forgave me, but furthur still I’m thankful that God - who uses all things for good - has used my vulnerability with them to pave the way to a deeper relationship.

In closing, I continue to treasure your prayers and notes. Please don’t feel that I’m ignoring you if you’ve sent me letters or have left messages on my phone that have gone unanswered! If you’ve known me long you know that I usually love correspondence more than anything, but at this time I will probably defer returning my sentiments to you until this surgery is over.

Also, I know that many of you have asked what you can do for me and if you can come and visit me at the hospital. The short answers are, “I’m not sure” and “maybe” as I am unclear at the moment on my recovery time and what needs I’ll have. I will plan on keeping you updated either through this blog, Facebook, or Nate. To my knowledge I’ll be in the hospital from 2-4 days and may remain in Denver for a few days after that with my gracious sister-in-law who happens to be an excellent post-surgical nurse! When I return to Laramie I will alert my contact person who has agreed to arrange meals for me if I need them.

Thank you, thank you for all you’ve done and please continue to keep me in prayer in the next few days. I can hardly wait to return to joy as is written in Nehemiah 8:10 when the walls of Jerusalem were rebuilt and the scrolls of the Law were unfurled and read to the people who wept with contrite hearts:

¹⁰ Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

While I cannot enjoy “choice foods” at this time as I’ll soon be starting a liquid diet to prepare for surgery, I’ll happily partake in the strength of God’s joy now! I’m so thankful it is always available to us.