Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will  not see clearly what is required of me now.

-Elisabeth Elliott

Two months since the surgery and time keeps moving on. I have struggled with a little bit of discouragement as I’m sure many people have post-surgery or post-anything-that-causes-upheaval-in-life! You know how your adrenalin gets pumping when you have to get through a difficult situation? Well, I think mine has depleted and drained out by now and has left me thinking, “well, what now God?” – a vague and somewhat unappreciative question, but luckily God still answers. He still speaks to my heart about being patient and puts verses and quotes in my path (like the one above) that remind me to leave the future to him.

Recently I was convicted by the thought that patience is not just a nice thing to have like politeness or manners. From a Christian point of view it is a fruit of the spirit and it has to be on the list for a reason. We may like the other ones better (love, joy, etc.) but patience is a virtue God wants us to cherish too. It reflects part of his nature. In fact, it reflects nature itself! Living in Wyoming has taught me that seasons don’t move quickly. Roads stay closed as snow takes it’s time to melt. Trees are very tentative about releasing their buds until they’re absolutely sure the last shocks of winter are over, and then when the time comes for those leaves to fall it doesn’t happen in one day either, they generally drift off one by one. I can’t imagine what would happen if I was in charge of nature! I’d have those trees zipped in and out of their foliage in the blink of an eye!

As I learn to be patient I also learn that our time on earth is fleeting and must be meaningful. I must take advantage of every day rather than waiting for a family and for my life to finally “start.” And nothing makes us appreciate life like death. My heart was touched recently by the beautiful life of my friend’s mother – Joy Ellis – whose time on earth came to an end on the 4^th of June. She battled cancer for many years and finally went home to be with the Lord.  She will be deeply missed. Selfishly I must note that she was such a blessing to me in my recent trials and was concerned about me and prayed for me and encouraged me even as her own chemo treatments were not working and she was heading down the path to hospice care.

Even in her death she was a great encouragement to me. Her funeral was beautiful, meaningful and glorifying to God. One of the last books she read was “Don’t waste your Cancer” by John Piper and a few excerpts were shared in her eulogy. Most impactful to me was the statement that “beating” cancer is not the goal, instead it is our prerogative to continue to cherish God no matter what. Joy may not have survived her cancer, but she did succeed in cherishing God. She cherished him until the end, never denied him, and was ultimately accepted into his loving arms in heaven.

Lastly, I must include a quote from Joy that is so simple, but has the possibility to be life changing. Her husband Philip told us a story about Joy in the kitchen recently – one of her favorite places! As Joy was ailing she decided to teach him how to make his favorite kind of cookie for after she was gone. He assembled the ingredients and she gave instructions from the couch. When it came time to add the vanilla she instructed him to add not one but two teaspoons. “But the recipe says one teaspoon,” Philip replied.

“Don’t be afraid to be generous,” said Joy.

It resonated with Philip and it resonates with me too. There is a lot of wisdom in a dying woman’s words – especially one who has lived a full and Godly life. I’m happy to hear that generosity was one of her final entreaties.

Lord help me to be generous with my patience!

In loving memory of Joy
Link to obituary