Again, I have to start out by expressing my gratitude to all of you who have prayed for me and have encouraged me in the last week or so. Many of you have called me, emailed me, or singled me out for a coffee date and I’m so appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

I continue to be amazed by the body of Christ and how beautiful it is when it all works together. All of you have different styles of encouragement and it is always just what I need! Some of you are quiet and reserved and just listen to me, others of you are more gregarious and forward and assure me “it’s all going to be fine,” and have given me the proverbial chuck under the chin. Many of you have had similar experiences with past surgeries or troubles conceiving and have had advice to share, and still others of you have offered your time and services to me by proposing to arrange meals for me or even to drive me to the hospital and stay with me. All of you have been lovely!

As of today, I still don’t have the surgery scheduled. It has been harder than I thought to get a quote on the cost of this surgery and even harder to catch the scheduling nurse in the office – it seems she may be on Spring Break! However, I continue to hope we can take care of it this month and I’m expecting a call from the hospital this week.

Interestingly, the most emotional component of this whole ordeal has been the financial side of it. I was surprised that I was brought to tears when I received the estimated bill. Nate and I are part of a Christian Health “Share” rather than a regular insurance provider. This means that we pay our bills up front and then submit them to the group to share the cost and receive reimbursement. I like the idea of sharing our bills with other Christians, but it does make for some additional stress. The cost of this surgery is more than I make in one year.

When I realized how much this would cost I was struck with feelings of shame and helplessness that I can’t quite explain. I knew that I was woefully in need of help, and whereas I had assurances beforehand from both Nate and I’s families that they would help us, I still felt that I was somehow unworthy of their contributions. I can only relate this feeling to something like the spiritual experience of my knowing I have sinned and that there is no way to pay for it. My bank account is not big enough. My funds would be inadequate even if I sold everything I owned. So, like I depend on my Father in Heaven to pay the debt of my sin, so I must depend on my earthly family to cover these costs. It is extremely humbling.

Lastly, I must thank my parents for their encouragement through words of scripture. This week they have culled numerous verses from the Bible that pertain to my situation.  But, perhaps most significant is a verse that was laid on both of my parents’ hearts separately, without prior discussion. It is from when Moses blessed the tribes of Israel. (Note: Had I been a boy, the name picked out for me was Benjamin.)

"About Benjamin he said:  "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."  ~ Deut. 33:12 

My dad had two thoughts on this scripture. The first is that the place in between your shoulders is your head – your mind – so this reminds us that we are literally on God’s mind. Secondly, this congers up the sweet image of a child riding on their father's shoulders in complete safety. I like that.